After a miscarriage and the end of a relationship…letting go allowed Lucia to find her true love and the children she dreamed of.
Meet Featured Meaningful Mom Lucia Steele
As long as I can remember I wanted to be a mother. I don’t ever remember a time that I even remotely thought that I wouldn’t be a mother. By the time I was twenty-three I was thinking, “I’m running out of time! I don’t even have a boyfriend!”
I know… give me a break! By the time I was twenty-six I was looking at men like a wild animal looking for its prey. There were a variety of complete and utter longshots. Then twenty-seven came and twenty-eight… at that point I started dating a man that in moments of knowing each other asked me to marry him. Because I was obsessed with the idea of creating a family, I accepted his proposal.
Two months into the relationship I became pregnant. After telling my fiancé, he said… and these were his exact words, “You always ruin everything.” Well first, I hadn’t known him long enough to ruin “everything”; and second, now I knew that I sure as hell didn’t want to raise a child with him. In that moment I knew that I made the worst decision of my life by linking myself to this man.
When I reached my eighth week, I miscarried. At first I was devastated. Then I felt that God, and the soul of my child, were giving me an opportunity to flee from an attempt at fulfilling a dream built on desperation.
After that relationship ended, I took a good look at myself and my spiritual path. It was then and there that I told God, “Enough of my plans! If my life is not meant to have a relationship or children… so be it. I’m not going to push anymore and I’m okay with JUST ME.”
Within five months of that relationship ending and being completely content in my new found freedom, I met the man that was to be my future husband. Within the first year of being married I had our first son. To further obliterate my old paradigm, due to circumstances being what they were, my husband became Mr. Mom staying home taking care of our son while I worked full time. So many things were changing for me… how I would “parent”. How I would “wife”. Who was I without this preconceived idea of my “mother persona”?
Jadon, my oldest, was (and is) a highly sensitive soul. He feels and sees things beyond most perceptions. I nursed him for a full two years. I had the most challenging time pumping to ensure he had enough food for just a day. My husband would bring Jadon to my offices and I’d have to go into the restroom to feed this little human. There was so much stress, and I can only imagine that he pick up every ounce of it.
I was blessed that my husband was so conscious and devoted to us that he made sure Jadon was close to me so neither of us would experience too much separation anxiety. I was equally blessed to have a lenient supervisor who allowed multiple daily visits from my family. It only took eighteen months for me to realize that it was simply too much to continue this schedule. Gracefully, I was able to leave my job to work our business and be a stay at home mom.
I became immersed in the world of spirituality and personal empowerment through the radio show Contact Talk Radio Show and internet radio station Contact Talk Radio Network my husband and I had started. We interviewed new thought leaders and energy workers. Individuals from Deepak Chopra to Quantum Physicist Fred Alan Wolf.
I had our second child, Phoenix, six years later… and little did I know that not only would I have a brand new beautiful baby boy in our home. I would also become a step-mother to an awesome twenty-one year old young woman. It was overwhelming, yet I was so relieved for my husband finally reuniting with his daughter Tia that he had been denied access to for so many years.
My boys couldn’t be more different from one another. Jadon is the quintessential “feeler observer”. He is an extrovert and would love nothing more than to have people around all the time. Phoenix on the other hand is much more introverted (until he gets to know you) and is the “analytical observer”. With their unique differences and energetic needs, I was inspired to write a book for parents with sensitive children. The book is called ‘Banishing The Boogieman: A Parents Guide Helping Your Child Through Nighttime Fears’.
What is your Parenting Philosophy?
My philosophy on parenting is constantly evolving. Especially when I’m faced with a new phase of growth in each kid. I’ve found that it boiled down to this for me: JUST LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF MY KIDS. Tell them often. Admit to my mistakes. Let them know I’m not perfect. Apologize when it’s appropriate. Teach them to take responsibility for their feelings. Help them understand their feelings. And when they get mad at me, which they do, I remind them that THEY chose me (and I chose them too). The other thing that I feel to my core is important for my family… it is to let my kids know that without THEM we don’t have a family. Their lives and their opinions are important to make our family work.
Do you have a special “me time” or Spiritual practice?
Although I love being a mother and wife. I do need “me” time. Especially because there is SO MUCH testosterone in our house. How I get that time? Through music… just dancing around my kitchen when I’m cooking and allowing myself to take the time I want while I’m cooking, that is unexpectedly healing. Also, through connection with other women. This is more meaningful than I ever thought. Even meeting in my Mom’s Group once a week helps me feel like I’m not in the thick of parental heart palpitations on my own. The comradery and support is invaluable. My shower is another sanctuary. It’s a place where great ideas come and washing away the tensions that build over time. I also take classes and grow in God. This all helps expand me as a woman, as a person, as a mother, as a wife. These are all important so I don’t lose who I am in the grand scheme of things. Oh… and I have a vanity that the boys can’t touch! It’s my “girly space”!
What is your Meaning and Purpose?
I feel that my meaning as a mother is to raise strong, loving, and sensitive men. Men who are supportive and protective of women, animals, men, and our planet. This is who they already are and I am simply to continue to encourage their innate nature. When I found out that I was pregnant with Jadon… it was a crystal clear “knowing” that this was my path as a mother. Also, encouraging my husband’s loving connection with his daughter.
I believe it was the beautiful soul of my unborn baby that pushed me from becoming a mom and wife for all the “wrong” reasons, to a life of true love, respect, and devotion. I really do have a great deal to be thankful for.
Lucia Steele is the co-owner of Clear Conscious Media, FLP; the parent company of Contact Talk Radio Network, LLC. For over a decade Lucia has provided business consulting, sales & marketing content, web content as well as copy writing and editing for the CONTACT Talk Radio Network. Lucia hosts the radio show Begin Again with her husband Cameron where they discuss tools and strategies for falling in love with your purpose and path again. She has also written Banishing the Boogieman, A Parents Survival Guide: Helping Your Children Through Nighttime Fears. http://www.CTRNetwork.com