In search of the perfect Mom


By Lori Ann Davis


I am sure you have an image in your mind of what a perfect mother is; I know I do. Your image and mine might not be the same but we have a standard or ideal we try to live up to. I bet you even judge yourself based on that ideal.

I am the mom who practices attachment parenting, breastfeeds my babies, home-schools my children, cooks fresh healthy meals, and provides a positive role-model for my children. I strive to be the all loving super MOM! For a long time, I was able to do a pretty good job living up to my ideal. (Just to clarify, this is my ideal not a standard for other moms.) Then life threw me a curve ball. I was in my late 40’s with a teenager and two preschoolers when my long term happy marriage came to an end. This was a huge blow to me in every possible way.

How was I going to take care of my children alone? How was I going to support them? How in the hell was I going to do all of this and even come close to being a perfect mom?  Fast forward 5 years, I am still asking myself that question. More importantly, I am now asking what constitutes a damn good mom. That is my new standard, although I have to admit I still long for perfection.

Why you want to be a good enough mom!

It is ok to not be perfect. Children actually benefit from a good enough mother. Children need to learn about life through real experiences. They need to learn how to deal with disappointment and frustration. My children would love for me to bake more cookies, play more games, and read to them more often. I know they appreciate how much I do for and with them, but they would like more. I still home school them, read to them, and cook nutritious meals. I do this in blocks of time because in other blocks of time; I run my own relationship coaching business. I have had to let some things go. My house is not as clean as it used to be, I have less free time, and unfortunately less time with my girls. The upside is, they are learning to do things for themselves, to wait their turn, and that the more we work together, the more free time we have.

My daughters are able to watch their mother overcome challenges and create a happy life in the face of adversity. They know that I need to work to support them. They also know that I am doing something I am passionate about that helps others. I am blessed to not be doing this alone anymore. I have added a wonderful loving man to our family. The girls are learning that the loss of something precious in your life is not the end. It can be the beginning of something beautiful. They now have two male role models in their life and are part of two loving families.

Even though I am far from perfect, I believe my children know how much I love them. I hope to continue to be a positive role model of a strong passionate woman. One thing I know for sure, judging myself as not good enough doesn’t make me a better mother. Accepting our life as it is and being grateful for all the blessings we have, makes me a better mother. Letting go of the need for perfection, not sweating the small stuff, and remembering the big picture is more important. So for now, I will continue to do my best and strive to be a good enough mother.

Lori has a unique and passionate approach to love and relationships and believes that everyone deserves and can have the relationship of their dreams. Her mission is to provide you with the skills you need to have the unstoppable relationship you deserve.She has over 28 years’ experience empowering individuals and couples to live richer, happier lives. Her practice spans the spectrum from dating and singles to working through divorce to renewing long-term marriages. She is the author of: Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships: How to Find, Keep and Renew Love and Passion in Your Life. Visit her website!



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